Question of the Day

How Does It Work?

This department was inspired, innocently enough, by a posting on one of the homeschool listserves I subscribe to. Conversation had fallen into a summer lull, but it perked right up after someone posted a "What would you do if..." plea for help. It was from a mother who had been sitting in a waiting room somewhere, minding her own business, looking over some educational materials she was thinking of using in the fall. A stranger started peppering her with questions (as strangers are wont to do) and discovered she was (gasp!) a homeschooler. The inevitable followed. "You homeschool? But what about socialization?"

A slew of postings followed. At this point, it was obviously too late for that particular mother in that particular conversation. But everyone had a fabulously enraged time replying. Some sent their favorite zingers ("Oh, we're not worried about that. We don't want our kids to be Socialists"); some aired their righteous indignation ("Do we run around demanding how their kids will ever learn how to socialize when they're cooped up with nothing but a bunch of kids their own age every day and then get hours of homework every night?"); some sent practical help for the next time, since of course there would be a next time ("Just say something short and cheerful about how your children are doing just fine, thank you for your concern, and keep saying it every time the person repeats their question until they give up and go away"); and some sent keep-your-chin-up sympathy ("Don't let the turkeys get you down. People just don't get it if they don't know anything about homeschooling but what they've heard on TV").

I'm perpetually behind on my email, but this thread was so entertaining that I found myself reading every posting. The next time I was with a group of homeschoolers, I found myself airing the subject all over again just to hear what people would say ("I always tell people that socialization is a problem -- between park days, play dates, and pot luck get-togethers, my kid hardly has time to get any education at all!"). I realized that helping our fellow homeschoolers get past those ridiculous encounters is a big part of what our community is about. It's also a lot of fun.

And so Question of the Day was born.

HERE'S THE DEAL

Please send in anything you feel moved to pass along. Some things we're hoping to see are:

Your own ideas for a Question of the Day, especially if they stem from something that really happened to you (and if they did happen to you, we really want to hear what you said in reply, or if you were too jaw-dropped by civilian stupidity to do anything but stammer -- it's okay! we've all been there!).

Genuinely helpful replies to a Question of the Day -- something we can all carry around with us in anticipation of the time when it will be needful.

Terrific zingers, whether you ever really used them or not. (Note: if you really did say something absolutely spellbinding to someone, and you don't tell us what happened next, you will shortly receive a frantic email from yours truly demanding to know what the heck the person managed to say in reply to that. I'm nosy that way, and suspense makes me cranky. So go ahead and finish the story the first time, wouldja?)

Fantasies you've entertained (about a Question -- we don't want to hear about that cute life guard and how you've daydreamed about tossing one of your kids straight into a rip tide when no one's looking and then screaming for help, using the time it takes for Hottie to swim to the rescue to apply lipstick and practice a fetchingly distraught expression. "Oh, I don't know how to thank you!" you breathe as he returns with your kid [alive and well -- you're not a complete jerk] in tow. He looks down at you kindly, tan muscled shoulders still dripping from his sudden plunge into the surf, and says -- well, anyway, that's not the kind of fantasy we're talking about, so don't bother sending it, because it won't get posted. Read repeatedly and possibly forwarded to the kind of loop that welcomes that kind of thing, but not posted). We're not going to think the less of you for admitting that you've occasionally fought the urge to grab by the nape of the neck the forty-seventh moron to bring up the s-word in one morning (and it's only ten-thirty), whirl him around in a complete circle, and say, "Look! See all the other people in this crowded grocery store? See how my kids aren't fainting with shock at the sight of them? See how they're making conversation with the nice lady who bags their groceries and has known them since they were tiny? That's socialization, you cretin! Now back off!" We'll actually be relieved that we're not the only ones to have briefly but vividly entertained the notion of committing such a terribly anti-social act. Just be sure to specify that these are in fact mere fantasies, so that we don't have to get into any pesky moral debates about whether or not we really ought to be forwarding your letter to the feds.

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