Ask the Book Lady
When a Reader Won't Read
Dear Book Lady,
I have a problem with my book group. Well, with one member, actually. We've been friends for a long time, but this one thing is starting to drive me nuts. She almost never does the reading. Fine with me. I'm not her mom. Trouble is, she still comes to meetings, and after a few minutes, she gets bored. So she starts talking to the person next to her. It's really distracting. Somebody will be trying to make a point or ask a question about the book, and she'll be over there talking about a clothing sale. Or else, if someone gives her the look and she gets the point, she'll listen to the book talk enough to make some kind of wisecrack or pun. It really throws the flow of conversation off.
It's even kind of disruptive when she just sits there not saying anything. I mean, we always do the thing of going around the circle and asking what everybody thought of the book, and she'll wave her hands and cover her face in this cutesy "don't pick me!" way that actually isn't cute at all, or else just bluntly state that she has nothing to say because she didn't do the reading. Which really puts a damper on things.
I've had times when I've been too busy to finish the reading, but they're the exception. For her, it's the exception if she does read the book. It's a huge occasion if she even tries to. What is the point of coming to a book group meeting if you know you can't talk about the book?
That sounds like a rhetorical question. Let's leave it as one, and take on the main issue, which is how to get your friend to either read the damned book or stop coming to the meetings, already.
Go ahead and tackle this head-on the next time it comes up. If she says she didn't read the book, call her on it. In fact, don't wait until she offers the information. Ask her, before the meeting really takes off, what she thought of the reading. If she answers that she didn't think anything because she didn't do any reading, say loudly, "You didn't read the book? Oh, you mean you didn't quite finish it? Hey, guys [raising your voice here], let's not talk about the ending, okay? Jolene isn't there yet, and we don't want to ruin it for her. There are plenty of other things we can talk about in the book."
If at this point she admits (let's hope shamefacedly, but all things considered we won't count on it) that she didn't even read the beginning, look baffled. "You didn't read it at all? Not any of it?" Do not ask why not. This woman has demonstrated that she'll be happy to spend the evening talking about non-book issues, and you don't want to give her a clear opening to launch into a discussion of her work woes or her lamentable love life. Instead, continue with the puzzled look and say, "Won't you be kind of bored, then? I mean, we're here to talk about the book." This is to make it more difficult for the enablers to start nattering on with her about the shoe sale or whatever later in the evening. It also makes the point that that's what this evening is supposed to be about, in case anyone's forgotten.
Continue to play hardball all night. If she makes a joke or does the little "aren't I naughty?" coy bit with her hands over her face, do not laugh. Do not even smile. When it gets to be her turn to talk and she's obviously not going to take it, move on to the next person without dwelling on the non-reader. Do not let her set the tone or the pace. If she's getting everyone down with those flat "How would I know? I didn't read it" statements, say something bright and positive about what you did read. If she gets all cute, say something deep and solid and insightful.
Just to really bring the point home, when it comes time to decide on the next book, say, "Maybe we should choose something extra short this time. Jolene's been having a lot of trouble keeping up with the reading."
This really ought to embarrass the hell out of any sentient individual. It may alleviate some of the worst symptoms, especially if you can get other members of the group to work with you on this.
But if she's a friend, you might want to try to get a look at the root cause, too. Is this group the only time that this group of people gets together? Is she a non-reader who's feeling left out in the cold now that her buddies are sitting around being all literary and stuff? Addressing that might be as simple as initiating a regular non-book night to get the same group together. Go out for drinks or coffee or even (desperate times call for desperate measures) bowling. Find out which of you has the biggest-screen TV and invade her home once a month for movie night (with the understanding that, as she's supplying the space and drinks, the rest of you are responsible for food, rental fees, and cleanup).
If you do all this and your friend is still not doing the reading (and still being disruptive about it -- there is such a thing as a benign lurker, though she certainly hasn't been one up to this point), you have my permission to take your gloves off. If the group has a leader, tell her privately in a non-rancorous tone that you're finding this woman's behavior extremely distracting. If it doesn't, bring up non-reading to the group as a whole -- as if it's an abstract concept, not three seconds after the woman in question admits yet again that reading just wasn't on her to-do list this month. Ask everyone if you can formulate some kind of policy. This should get a good rousing discussion going. Obviously you're not going to want to say that anyone who hasn't finished the book can't come to the meetings. There are plenty of people who may have fainted halfway to the finish line but will still have something to say about why they were defeated. But there's a difference between losing a race and never even taking the first step. Make this distinction clear. "I joined this group because I like to read and talk about books," you'll say calmly but definitely. "We have plenty of nights where we get together just to get together. I want book group nights to be about books." After you put it like that, there's a good chance that they will be.
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